The Caffeinated Cross
(A Javacrucian Ritual)
-lodged between the musty old pages of a musty, dusty old book in a musty, dusty old library whose musty, dusty old dust hadn't been disturbed by the presence of man in many a musty, dusty old century. It took a great deal of effort to translate the original writings. After months of effort and research in language libraries, it was finally determined that the weird script was not some arcane, forgotten language, but English, written by someone with a very bad case of caffeine jitters. Another fragment indicated that this was once part of a book, titled "The Mystery of the StarBuck."
THE CAFFEINATED CROSS
-- by Karl Lembke
-- by Karl Lembke
Stand, facing east, holding your coffee cup, filled with the mystical brew, in your power hand, and assume a posture of wakeful alertness. Bring your coffee cup to your forehead and intone:
"Latte"
Lower your coffee cup to the vicinity of your navel:
"Mocha"
Bring your coffee cup to your left shoulder:
"Cappuccino"
Bring it across to your right shoulder:
Frappuccino"
Clasp your coffee cup in both hands over your heart chakra:
Arabica, Oh man!
Extend your arms to the sides, and intone:
"Before me, Mrs Olson.
Behind me, Juan Valdez
At my right hand M J B
At my left hand, the brothers Hills
For about me swirls the coffee aroma
Within me sings the caffeine high"
Drink the coffee, in communion with the spirits of the Sacred Coffee Bean. This last step may be usefully repeated as long as you like. To end the ritual, raise the mug to your lips one last time, facing East and intone:
"Goddess. . . I needed that!"
Disclaimer: No one involved in this blog or its contents may be held responsible for any adverse reactions arising from following any of the instructions/recipes on this list. It is the reader's personal responsibility to exercise all precautions and use his or her own discretion if following any instructions or advice from this blog.
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